Hello beautiful...

Well I cannot really say that I was on a break and I am getting back to blogging now....I had abandoned this space about 6 years ago....but like the lingering scent of a rose long after it has been hidden in a book and forgotten...the writer in me never forgot....so here I am. A lot has changed and a lot has not too...me writing elaborately long sentences with innumerable ... (the three dots thingy which I forget the name for) has not.  I hope to get back here everyday...because it is most important to find oneself and in fact be constantly in touch with one's inner self because the big bad world has a tendency to make you forget who you are and what you truly desire....

Cheers to new beginnings!!!

And then I hit  "Publish!"...fingers crossed!

Spiralling downwards..

I always wanted to this blog to be a happy place...a place where i would try and write about all things that make me happy, things that would bring a smile to my lips.  Words I would want to read over and over again  just to remind myself of the feeling of happiness. 

But who was I trying to fool?  I guess myself. 

I have always tried to be a sweet girl and portray an image of goodness for as long as I can remember.  I have always let some people go ahead of me at the check out counter in the grocery store.  I have always spoken kind words and tried not to hurt anyone.  In my mind it is etched that you have to speak kind words, do good deeds.  But somewhere along the line it has also translated to being loved.  I now believe that I will only be loved if I am good.  Good grades equals love from parents, thoughtful gifts equal love from friends and family, sharing homework equals friends at school, sharing work assignments equals friends at work.  I know I am wrong, but why cant I get myself to believe that I am wrong? Is it because my mind is stronger than my heart or my heart is stronger than my mind? 

Looking back I have done things mostly only to please someone, not really knowing if it pleased me.  It has been going on for so long that I now no longer know what pleases me...what remains is only a deep rooted fear of rejection.  I have had a fairly normal life by most people's standards but still there are ghosts out there in my world whom I cannot face or even understand.  As i write this I know I am babbling, making incoherent sentences.  But what is in my thoughts is very real..there is that something I cant definitely point out to but something that makes me fear rejection and disapproval so much.  That is what makes me cry to sleep every night but I cant tell anyone why I am sad because I don't know myself.  When I now look at most of what I have done, I don't see myself as a good natured individual.  I only see a selfish and self centered person who did all of it just to be loved in return.  It sometimes makes me want just be selfish and jealous instead of masking it behind goodness and kindness. 

Does this make sense to anyone or am I a just a basket case? do you also sometimes like me, feel that all that happens between relations stems out of personal fulfillment?

Little joys

Today as I sat down to enjoy coffee flavoured chocolate chip biscuits as a little something sweet after my lunch I had a thought.  Alright, my life may not be going on too well currently and I have too  many things to worry about.  But I do not want to forget the little joys of life just because I am worrying about the big problems in my life.  I want to treasure the moments in life when I do not have anything else on mind and I am just enjoying that one moment.  Being worry free for just a moment.  Those are the little joys of life.  Coffee flavoured chocolate chip cookies? little joy.  Being able to wake up refreshed and happy after a good night's sleep? little joy.  Driving through pouring rains with the radio turned up? little joy.

So what is your little joy moment for today?

Why do I blog?

I know not what tomorrow holds,
I know not the where the path goes..

I dont have stories to tell
nor do i have any crafts to show or lessons to help your child to spell!

( I do know I am desperately trying to rhyme though!)

I am just a someone reaching out to no one
I am a tiny little voice which has made a choice

I am therfore I blog!



I dont know what drove me to start a blog.  I do not have everyday stories which I would want to share with the world.  Neither do I get flashes of intelligent thoughts or perspectives about the facts of life which I may be compelled to pen down.  I do not want to share pictures of my home or my life or my pet dog (if I had one!)  It is actually scares me when I read so many wonderful blogs written by such wonderful people all over the world. Such immense talent, so many touching stories, such strong hearts with unwavering faith and strength of a thousand horses.  So creative, so many achievers.  People who have changed lives, touched lives rewritten destiny.

But this much I know, I am therefore I blog!

Silly me!

Do you remember the games you played as a child? Apart from the usual hide and seek, hopscotch and chor police (translates to thief and police) do you remember playing a game that was thought up by you? We all did our fair share of pretending to be kings queens princesses and tea leaves pickers (yup my fav!) dint we?
                                                                     
I remembered this game I use to play as a child all of a sudden and now I am laughing and cracking up so much that I think someone around me is going to send me off to a hospital for those who have lost some marbles!  All you have to do is switch the first characters of a person's first and last name and say it aloud.  So Julia Robert would become Rulia Jobert!  I know this is silly but that is why it is fun!  Try it and I bet even the most objective practical sophisticated one among you will at least crack a smile!

:-(

I deleted one of my posts :-( how stupid of me!    Here is a lesson learnt in being over enthusiastic with formatting! Damn my OCD!! I will be back soon....with my dear post...
 
Update:  My post came back but chooses to stay below this one and refuses to come to the top of the page.  I can see Blogger and me are going to be such good friends in the future!!

Who is the Potpourri Gal ??

The creator of this blog, the sole reader of this blog, the neglecter of this blog, the sneaker(I don't mean the shoe but I cant find another word I like right now) of many other blogs...well here is PG trivia for you to let you find out who I am ..

(OK at this point it sounds almost like I am doing an interview with myself and asking in an authoritative tone "So Ms. PG, please tell me about yourself" and then I start to prattle away details of what I did or tried to do and what I ended up doing. But you know what? if you hang around here for like the next 50 years or so waiting for the 10 blog posts I may or may not post you will realize coming from me that is so normal!)

Graduated high school.  (Whew!!)

Kissed someone. (your baby sister counts, so does your dog if you have/had one or stuffed toy...comon they are all important people right?)

Smoked a cigarette. (tried ..to be cool and all and then realization struck...cool and me could never be in one sentence ever!)

Got so drunk you passed out. (I passed out of college..I at least did half this sentence )

Rode every ride at an amusement park. (oh yes yes yes...honestly the child in me takes over..everytime)

Collected something stupid. (I must have been a mouse or a squirrel in my past life I think...I cannot throw away anything! movie ticket stubs, bottle caps, chocolate wrappers, toothpicks, a button from a fav dress I wore when I was six, one white seed I stole from the grocer while my mom shopped ...oh I have them all)

Gone to a rock concert. ( not rock but Indian classical music concert yes)

Helped someone. ( I think I have...I hope the Big Man up there has at least one written down for me ;-)

Gone fishing. (yes...every summer when we use to visit my grandmother in the village we use to fish using a piece of cloth...maybe someday I will tell you how it is done..)

Watched four movies in one night. (for a serious movie buff that is no big deal!)

Lied to someone. (I would be lying to the whole wide world if I did not admit to this one!)

Snorted cocaine. (NO! NO! NO!)

Smoked weed. (NO! NO! NO! NO!)

Failed a subject. (I got inspired by the saying failure is the stepping stone to success once during college)

Been in a car accident. (Thankfully no)

Been in a tornado. (Have been in a tropical storm (we call it a cyclone) many times. We don't get tornadoes around here and if they are as bad as shown in the movie Twister I think I would not missing them)

Watched someone die. (what does it say about me if I said no to this one....I have led a very protected life or I live on an island or..I don't know)

Been to a funeral. ( see what I said above.  That and the other reason being that women are not allowed to visit a crematorium in most families here.)

Burned yourself. ( I blame my zero hand eye coordination for it)

Run a marathon. (this is something I seriously wish to do once I get my lazy self to listen to me and start jogging)

Cried yourself to sleep. (A lot of times ..that is all I am going to say for now)

Spent over 10,000 bucks in one day. (Boy does that feel good..untill you get to see your bank balance later)

Flown on an aeroplane. ( who else hates what it does to your ear drums?)

Cheated on someone. (well I would first have to find someone to do that right?)

Been cheated on. (someone has not found me either :)

Written a 10 page letter. (yes and have done that for 10 yesrs too...I grew up in times when we actually had pen pals and e-mail was a word we had not heard of)

Gone skiing. (I wish I wish I wish.....not, no ways with my set of eyes and hands that would be a sure way to meet my maker!)

Been sailing. (see above)

Cut yourself. (the hormones during your teenage can be really mean sometimes)

Had a best friend. (thankfully yes)

Lost someone you loved. (RIP Tiger my most favorite dog ever forever)

Got into trouble for something you didn't do. (actually the opposite being the youngest sibling in a family has some advantages too!)

Stolen a book from the library. (Oh no the Library is my place of worship and I would never do that I would instead choose to spend my life in there if I had a choice)

Gone to a different country. (sadly not yet!)

Watched the Harry Potter movies. (that is still in my big list of to watch movies)

Had an on-line diary. (my blog is the same to me)

Fired a gun. (Remember the shoot the balloons game we had in the fairs?)

OK I should have lost anyone who was even just stumbling by my site and everyone else in between so I am quitting this huuuge post I started and going monosyllabic!
Gambled in a casino. (no)

Been in a school play. (100 times or more)

Been fired from a job. (still stuck to my first job for five years now)

Taken a lie detector test. (no)

Swam with dolphins. (no :-( )

Voted for someone on a reality TV show. (not worth it...it is all rigged anyway and I am the worlds biggest pessimist anyway!)

Written poetry. (your first crush on the country's biggest movie star will make you do crazier stuff thank God I stopped at poetry)

Read more than 20 books a year. (each and every year!)

Gone to Europe. ( virtually yes)

Loved someone you shouldn't have. ( the movie star remember?)

Used a coloring book over age 12. ( my 12 year old neighbor hates me for it)

Had a surgery. ( not yet!)

Had stitches. ( remember the part about protected life?)

Taken a Taxi. (duh!!)

Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once. ( the boon or bane of being in a desk job?)

Been in a fist fight. ( oh that would be a very stupid thing to do with my set of eyes and appendages!)

Suffered any form of abuse. ( high school mathematics should be legally classified as abuse I tell you...)

Had a pet. ( tiger forever)

Petted a wild animal. ( my kid brother falls under that category!)

Had your own credit card & bought something with it. ( and spelled my doom too!)

Dyed your hair. ( never pink or purple...that will be my lifelong regret....not!)

Got a tattoo. ( sometime soon..)

Had something pierced. (Traditionally in southern India all babies (both boys and girls)  have their ears pierced by the time they are a year old)

Got straight As. (OK there should be at least one thing I should have done right in my whole life right?)

Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS. (nope)

Taken pictures with a webcam. (huh?)

Lost something expensive. ( never had anything expensive to loose yet!)

Gone to sleep with music on. (yes and now all of you can add gone to sleep reading a blog post on your lists!)

I'd love to take this again in a couple of years to see how much more of this stuff I've done. And anyone who reads this is tagged!